Is Searching for Love What Makes Us Human?

I was asked that exact question at conference celebrating cutting-edge thinking

A few years ago, when meetings of the minds could actually happen in person, I was invited to participate in a lively festival of philosophy and music, “How the Light Gets In,” in London. Featured speakers included a lot of famous people and me. I gave a talk, “Single people are doing so much better than you realized: Is it because they are free?”. I also participated in a debate, “Love, life, and being free,” with some very smart and accomplished people.

I was honored to be part of an intellectually exciting festival. My debate was just one of the many events. But I was freaked out by one of the questions we debaters were sent in advance and asked to address.

It was this: “Is searching for love what makes us human?”

Because each of us only had a very brief period of time to respond, I only got to make the first few points I had prepared. Here, though, I can share with you the complete text of what I would have said, if I had unlimited time.

My answer:

A question like this — based, I assume, on just the stingy, narrow sense of the word love as only romantic love — is startling. It suggests that people like me, who are not searching for romantic love, are somehow not…